well, and so i am back, and just in time for my world to go to hell.
i spent the entire month of july on the farm and it showed me some things about myself that i needed to know about. im glad i went and im glad i did the best i could do.
on august 7 i celebrated my birthday by filing a police report about my moped being stolen from my front door.
i am trying to stay positive but that becomes really hard when your only form of transportation is stolen. and when your dad looses his job. and when you cant get a job. and when you cant afford to buy your textbooks for school. and when your arms and legs keep shedding skin.

Interning

After a long internal debate with myself, I have decided to be an intern at an intentional community up in northern Arizona. I rang in the new year of 2006 up there. We set fire to an asparagus plant as our destructive celebratory action. Now I am heading back up the 10 mile dirt road, into a valley with one main house, solar showers, no electricity, chickens, turkeys, trees, a creek, and tee-pees. The man that owns the valley, Peter Bigfoot, runs an organic farm, teaches herbal medicine, and has a school of self survival. I figured it would be an interesting place to spend the summer instead of holed up in my parent's house, trying to stay out of the sun, steadily eating my weight in yogurt and apple sauce.

its getting hard to remember why i left korea.
ive been home for 5 months. back in arizona where it takes 15 minutes to walk past an orchard or parking lot, where you need a car to go to the grocery store, where everthing closes at 9 pm and where all my friends have moved away from.
i sit in my house, reading books, watching movies, posting on forums, and laying around staring at walls.
i dont have a job becasue no one seems to be hiring. i go to school mon, wed, and fri for two classes. both of which i have As in because i have so much time on my hands.
i clean the house to get some money every few weeks. my mom sleeps most of the time. my dads usually in georgia or alabama or kansas. and when hes home hes in his office or listening to talk radio. i have very little contact with people. every sunday i go to church just to talk to people. at school i mostly just talk to one person.
so, i have to ask myself, why am i here? what am i doing? what arent i do? why have i found myself back in this position? am i happy? what am i waiting for? why am i waiting for anything?
ive lost all my passion and determination.